You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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