My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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