so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
