He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
