What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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