i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
