Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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