ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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