I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
