so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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