The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Houston, we have a blender
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
