foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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