Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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