when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
