Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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