it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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