He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
