Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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