he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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