a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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