Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
