I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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