I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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