We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
