So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My bed smells like the plague
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
