It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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