A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
