I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
