It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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