i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
