tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
