i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
