did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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