google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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