I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
