Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
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I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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