I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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