I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just had sex on a roof
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
