Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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