somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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