i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
