Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize