dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
our cab driver is having phone sex.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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