next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
