this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
