i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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