Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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