Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize
