so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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