Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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