My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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