i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
