There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
