I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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