I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
