Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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