Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
