this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
