Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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