my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think your dad took our porno
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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