She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
