Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
