Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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