I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
