you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
false alarm. still invincible.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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