Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
