So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
