Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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