Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
