Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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