Please, let me fuck your mom
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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