i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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