You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
