How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
