No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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